The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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