Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Jerry, you need to find god
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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