i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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