I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
