Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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