awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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