i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
