He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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