So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
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I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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