ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize