you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
