naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
