I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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