She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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