you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
