Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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