I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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