Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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