Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
