Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
