I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
