I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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