I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
