On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
