I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize