I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We have started to decorate penises.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
