dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
