There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
