Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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