I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
