dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
