is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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