If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize