her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
