so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize