bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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