Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
