I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
