I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
