At least make sure they are 18
Why
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
