I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
