hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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