Me too!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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