If i come over, it means nothing
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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