Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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