Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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