Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
