Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
