The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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