Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
