If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Randomize
