UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
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Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize