So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
