the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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