What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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