Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
