Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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