at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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