He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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