"it" just moved
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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