I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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