Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
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the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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