Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my shit smells like andre
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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